Things can get pretty heavy when you are opening yourself up in order to deal with things. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable can mean bringing up a lot of fears and insecurities. Because of this, I'd like to lighten the mood and taking one day each week to reflect on something I am truly thankful for.
So, today I am thankful for my body.
I am what the media and society refer to as "plus size". I'm fortunate, because unlike a lot of strong, healthy and athletic women out there, I actually belong in this category. My weight, like my moods, is a bit of a roller coaster, but at least it's got some level of consistency. Since I was around 17 years old, I've been fluctuating between a size 13 and 15.
I used to feel an incredible amount of shame in that until I began to look at myself in a way that was realistic. I am 5' 11"; I have broad shoulders, large biceps and what Jerry Seinfeld would refer to as "man hands". I'd consider myself to be fairly proportionate, maybe not as much as I'd like but everything fits together all right. My size has never once prevented me from doing something like riding an amusement park ride or riding in a car or airplane. It's actually been a hugely advantages part of my being. Working in a coffee shop or retail setting that is mainly female dominated, my simple ability to reach things made me an integral part of the team. I'm also quite strong for a woman. While my work out routine doesn't involve weight lifting, I am able to lift toilets and install them on my own. I'm able to carry sheets of dry wall upstairs without a partner. I'm able to wield saws to cut down walls and dig post holes to build porches. Rather than being ashamed of my size--my bigness--I relish in my ability to do things, to work hard and accomplish a physical, tangible task.
When I wear clothes that fit me and flatter me, I love the way I look. I truly love my curves, my stretch marks, my cellulite and scars. They are all a part of me--of my body.
The human body is incredible, really. Each sense in and of itself is a miracle, something that proves our ability for such immense pleasure and joy. The way chocolate melts across your tongue into pure sweetness, the sound of a lover's laugh, the feeling of silk against a freshly shaved leg. All of those fantastic things that make life worth living we experience through this amazing meat suit.
I love my body for helping me get from point A to point B--for being reliable. I love my body for telling me what it needs, because learning how to listen to it has been essential to my health and well-being.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to promote a sedentary lifestyle or obesity or anything, I'm just promoting the "radical" notion that one can love themselves no matte their shape or size.
When I make jokes about my size or call myself fat in jest, there's always somebody who feels that this is a cry for attention--that I need reassurance or that I'm fishing for a compliment. "No," they say, "you're just tall." And while that's true, I'm also fat. Whatever. I mean, let's address the elephant in the room here....it's fine. I'm quite aware of what I look like, probably more so than you, so just trust me on this one. I appreciate what they are doing, but at the same time, I wonder why it's bad to be fat. Why does this word have such a stigma? Why do we give it so much power?
There are all kinds of things you can be in life that are terrible. You can be mean, manipulative, cruel, uncaring.... I mean, I could sit here and list things, but I'm sure you understand my point. When you look at the big picture in life, is being fat really a big deal?
Yeah, I could use other, sexier words to describe myself; curvy, chubby, voluptuous, plus size, but I choose fat because I want to take it back. I want to dispel this belief that being fat means you are lazy or unmotivated or that you have low self-esteem, because that's not at all how it is. That's not how it has to be, any way.
I'm in good health. Or at least my doctor says so. While he says I need to kick the cigarettes (because I fell off the wagon hard when stress hit), I have no other real risk factors in my life. I don't drink, I eat healthy, and while I am a few pounds overweight, I am not in danger of diabetes or high cholesterol any more than a slimmer person with a similar lifestyle.
And so I love my body. I accept my body. I appreciate everything that it's able to do and everywhere it's able to take me to go.
I encourage you to do the same thing, regardless of what size you are. Embrace yourself; your body is a temple and you deserve your love and affection just as much as anyone in the world.
<3 You are beautiful. Thanks for reclaiming 'fat', from one fat girl to another.
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