I've been very quiet lately because I am in the midst of a tumultuous sea of emotions, and it's something that I'm feeling incredibly self conscious of. See, for the majority of my life, I've reacted inwardly. Typically, when something happens that makes me feel anxious or sad or scared or unhappy, I collapse into myself like a dying star. I write, I examine, I hide. Basically, I change the batteries on my confidence and move on. I never used to be angry.....not that I remember, anyway,
Recently, I've been a volatile mess. There's this unfamiliar and overwhelming anger that bubbles up inside of me for the most random and ridiculous reasons. When I say it "bubbles up", I mean it quite literally. It's a physical sensation unlike anything I've experienced.
I have no idea what it means or where it's coming from either. I feel a lot of shame and guilt about these feelings, especially about my inability to identify the cause or process them in a way that is healthy.
I don't know where to start. I'm just so ashamed and disgusted and annoyed and disappointed in myself for feeling these things. For being this thing. I hate it,
I am standing on the bow of a ship, screaming at the ocean and there's just no point to it.
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